Turning corners

Good morning everyone, happy Monday!! Today I woke early, the morning sun having sneaked into the room to tempt me from dreams that held answers to questions I’ve yet to ask, and found me smiling. I lay for a while trying to make sense of the remembered images of my reverie, until they faded and curiosity called me from my bed to find what lays in the day ahead. The start of the new week is for me an inspiration for productivity, I have a list, a long list, an extremely long list, and it seems to keep growing despite the time period shrinking. So I drew the blind, made some coffee, and got back into bed with my laptop and diary searching for a sense of organised confidence in the tasks to complete, and ticked off several surprisingly quickly.

As I peruse my list: appointments to schedule, telephone calls to make, items to collect, information to clarify and notes to check; I am aware that life seems to have turned a corner, and each tick is a step closer to the next thing rather than a step away from the last thing. My energy has improved dramatically, and even the most mundane tasks are embraceable with an enthusiasm recently lacking. The change in myself, and the direction I’m taking are all due to a moment of belief amidst the uncertainty, when suddenly creating the life I desire became more important than the responsibilities and limitations I had previously let confine me.

I wonder what this week will bring for you, and whether the items on your ‘to-do’ list are taking you in the direction you want to be heading? Because if you’re just fire-fighting to keep your head above water amidst a sea of responsibilities, maybe there’s something you’ve neglected that you should be addressing, since in the words of Goethe “things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least”, and if today isn’t the best time, maybe it should be!?

Wishing you all a beautiful day and a productive week, with blessings & love, and a smile on my face Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via Pinterest}

Blue skies & scars

Good morning everyone! Today I woke early as the sun crept round the blind, sneaking in to the room to call me from dreams that blend reality with possibility and a generous hint of the ridiculously absurd. I landed on the pillow with a crumpled smile, and found my thoughts leaping into the day ahead, listing the tasks I hope to achieve and the time I anticipate they will take, searching for the opportunity for a walk on the heath, before sighing and getting up for coffee.

It’s a beautiful morning in London; the spring sunshine spills through the kitchen window, warming the herbs that reside on the sill, releasing a fresh fragrance to be inhaled deeply with eyes closed in appreciation. The light on my shoulders is deliciously warm, and encourages me to sit on the countertop and steal the rays from the bowl of lemons and assorted cooking utensils, as they curl round my legs and creep up my décolleté. I sipped my latte and smiled at the sky; an endless blue stretching into the distance above the rooftops, with only a single vapour trail, like a small scar to mar its perfection.

I glanced at the scar on my knee, a fairly neat white line that holds a story, and wonder about the scars on my heart, everybody’s heart, how would they look if we could see them? I suspect I would pick at the edges of the latest wounds, impatient for healing but unable to ignore the regret and disappointment wrapped up in their memory. I’m resisting the temptation, most of the time, but admit that occasional moments find my mind in the ‘if-only’ territory. I wonder how long will it take that particular hurt to fade into a smooth white line, and become ‘just another story’, something that happened to the girl I used to be?

And I smile at the blue sky, because however long it takes, I already know that that particular scar will always be the start of the next adventure, the one that whispered ‘follow your dreams, you’re the author of your story’. So the crazy idea that morphed into possible plans has now become more probable than mere potential, and I have a blessed opportunity. I also have a contract to sign, and a ticket to buy, another white scar to trail across the sky. Meanwhile that list still persists, and the clock is ticking, but it’s OK, because I’ll make time for a walk on the heath anyway, after all, chances become more precious when they’re numbered don’t they?!.

Have a gorgeous day everyone, and remember your scars are souvenirs of your journey, but you’re still the author of your story. Blessings & love, Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via fatallyflawedpalate.tumblr, words: Hayley Darby © 2013}

Pictures

Happy Monday everyone!! This morning the day greeted London with blue skies and sunshine, that slipped under the blind and pulled me from my reverie. I’m not sure what I was dreaming of, but the feeling of discontent was difficult to shed in wakefulness, and it took some time, and a second cup of coffee to find the motivation required to address the busy ‘to do list’ that’s been waiting all weekend. I sat at my desk, and surveyed the books and papers, searching for inspiration, wondering where the answers to my dilemmas are hiding.

I have a photo in my office, a treasured memento; clients often enquire whether it’s my daughter, or perhaps a niece, but the little girl with her hair brushed in bunches, smiling at the camera, is me circa 1973. It’s one of my earliest memories, taken at playschool (kindergarten) and is a reminder to not let studying/work eclipse play too frequently. Today my younger-self seems to sigh and question why it’s so difficult being a ‘grown up’; making decisions, shouldering responsibility, and I wish for a moment that I could warn her not to embrace it too eagerly, to enjoy the freedom and simplicity a little longer.

I have a lot going on at the moment, and it seems exhausting juggling disappointments and realizations, opportunities and obligations; and I wished for a moment that I could escape it, that choosing which was my favourite picture in the book the photographer had given me, was again the only thing I had to worry about. Then I realized, it is still that easy actually, except the pictures aren’t printed, we have to draw them, not with pencils or crayons, but our choices and actions; and that creating the life we want isn’t about what it’s supposed to look like, but letting our imaginations run wild with the colours available.

Suddenly being the grown up version of the little girl in the photograph isn’t so daunting, life is a much bigger canvas than she could have imagined, and there are seemingly unlimited colourful possibilities. There are still decisions to be made and a myriad of complicated questions, but the answers are where they have always been (in her heart), and she knows where to look for them, when she’s patient enough to remember anyway. I hope you have a beautiful week, and that a snapshot of now will be a motivation in your future : )) Blessings & love

{Photo: Me circa 1973} © 2013

Spring awakening

Good morning everyone!! Today I woke early, rapidly rising to the surface from the dreamy depths, carrying vignettes of my reverie, like a million tiny bubbles rising with me, but bursting as they surfaced. I lay on the pillow, observing the thoughts already running round my head, my dream it seems was working through some aspects of sadness, and I watched my heart in the absence of anger and frustration, quietly bleeding. Sometimes we just have to accept where we are, and what we’re feeling, and be grateful for the learning. This gives us an opportunity to notice that the place we are at is just the starting point for a new journey, and that if it wasn’t a little uncomfortable we wouldn’t be tempted to take the necessary steps in the right direction. We are all just living our stories, and some things have to happen to put us on the right path again, with a kindly reminder to ‘dream a little bigger darling’.

I stretched and smiled at the sunlight pushing at the curtains, taking a deep breath of the day, enchanted by its gentle encouragement and budding potential. I made some coffee and sat watching the sky for a while, as clouds shifted to reveal chinks of blue and let the sun shine through, when I felt the light tickle my skin. I have been impatient and anxious for spring to arrive, and now that it’s here with all it’s hope and promises, I realize that the winter’s discontent has been preparation for the plans I have, and I am grateful in retrospect. As I stand here wondering how to make the next step happen, the answers are simple and at the same time complicated; let go and trust, and just keep focusing on the step ahead. Spring rewards our resilience with signs of progress, and reminds us that summer will be here soon enough; meanwhile it’s time to appreciate where we are, to live in the moment, enjoy the potential and notice the opportunities blossoming. Have a gorgeous day everyone, mine involves more decorating, and colours are changing : )) blessings & love ♥ Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via Pinterest; words by Hayley Darby © 2013}

Good Friday

Good morning everyone!! It’s a beautiful sunny start to the day in my part of London, white fluffy clouds linger in baby blue skies, and the sunlight spills through the window into pools on the floorboards. I got up slowly, sitting in bed for a few moments to appreciate the day. ‘Good Friday’ never feels like an adequate name for the day that signifies such enormous sacrifice & compassion, I remember thinking as a child that it must have been a pretty awfully ‘bad’ day, and if we’re celebrating the gift of grace, ‘good’ hardly seems an enthusiastic enough adverb in this context. But I guess calling it ‘Freakin’ awesomely wonderful Friday’ or something similar would be a bit much. I like to think of it as ‘Forgiveness Friday’ as in “Father forgive them, they know not what they are doing”, and I’m not even sure exactly where in scripture that’s written, but it seems suited to the crucifixion. It also reminds me that I have much to be forgiven for, and that somehow makes the day seem the celebration of grace it’s meant to be.

I pottered downstairs for breakfast (porridge with apple & pomegranate, greek yoghurt, pistachios and cinnamon) and sat on the sofa listening to the quietness.. just a ticking clock and the birds tweeting; until a local carpenter, taking advantage of the weather, started hammering and sawing in his garden. I rolled my eyes and sighed before remembering he’s just making a living, and that my home is incredibly sheltered from noise in this urban setting, so that this disturbance feels a greater intrusion because I am blessed not to hear the traffic or neighbours’ ‘music’. Good Friday is a national bank holiday in the UK, as is Easter Monday, I was surprised to recently learn this isn’t the case in the States. I forgave the carpenter for disturbing my peaceful moment. Then since I was in the mood, I forgave several people for being ‘disturbances of my peace’; recognizing that egotism, insecurity and selfishness are just symptoms of being human, and that we’re all souls stuck on the same planet, learning our lessons.

Have a fabulous Friday, and whatever your beliefs are, let forgiveness be one of them. Blessings & love ♥ Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via brown dress with white spots, words ~Hayley Darby ©2013}

Shadows

Today I met a young man, well younger than I (mid 30’s at a guess), a good-looking guy, with gentle eyes and a smile that lit up like Christmas when he saw me. We chatted briefly about the things people do; the weather, the traffic, and places we knew. His eyes shone brightly, despite the redness around the edges, and his smile was engaging, captivating, infectious. My gaze momentarily fell over his shoulder, where his shadow smiled back in silent acknowledgement, detached from our exchange, yet with a definite presence.

The young man asked questions animatedly, interested and even fascinated by our conversation, which ended too quickly, I’m sad to say. I said I was leaving, and he wanted to know how long I had been staying, I explained I was only visiting, and he twisted the edge of his robe a face full of questions. I looked into those eyes, and felt a flicker of his confusion, before he smiled again and wished me well on my journey. His shadow, much larger than he, stood by and opened the door. I heard him locking it securely behind me, protecting his charge from harming himself, any more than he had done so before.

Life is harsh, and sometimes people don’t cope as well as we would wish, which is why we must be kind all of the time, because we rarely see the suffering under the skin. Sadly their shadows aren’t always there to protect them, and they are only equipped to deal with the physical, whilst the emotional demons fight within. And I drove away in the traffic he could only imagine, out into the world that was too painful and challenging for the man with thin skin, leaving him behind in a safe place that respects his fragility, where shadows are kind and caring. Blessings & love, Hxx

© 2013 ~Hayley Darby

{Photo credit: 2,000 Suspended Dandelions by Regine Ramseier}

Raindrops

Good morning everyone, happy Friday!! Today I woke early, and lay on my back, listening to the rain as it danced on the roof and slid down the windows, bounced off the cobblestones and splashed in the puddles. I remembered a time, in a tropical rainstorm on the other side of the world, when I stood in the downpour and let it soak me, as it washed away the frustration and disappointment I had been feeling. Often it feels as if our emotions are layered, as if we have to shed several skins to reveal those we’re afraid of, the things that truly upset our equilibrium, as we cling to the excuses of those we’re prepared to acknowledge. So I lay in the darkness, and peeled off some layers that I have been ignoring, turning over and observing indignant anger, fierce frustration, deep disappointment, sorrowful regret, and finally finding the acceptance I was seeking. Acceptance, when we discover it is rarely sparkling and shiny; rather it’s beauty lies in the absence of adornments that obscure its purity. So I wrapped myself up in it, noticing the calm comfort and peaceful presence, and fell back to sleep again.

When I awoke at a more reasonable hour, the rain had stopped and the birds were chirping, I stretched my full length and arched my back, before wrapping up in cosy a robe, in search of coffee. It’s a dull, damp day in London, the skies are dark, and the wind sways the trees as it sighs down the chimney. I sat on the awesome sofa, cradling my latte and let my thoughts wander through some projects I’m planning. Somewhere along an unfamiliar path, I felt free of expectation and even the need for understanding, the possibilities are endless, and the prospects exciting. Sometimes we need to let go of the things that weigh us down, so we can move freely into our future; forgiveness is the key, it’s not always easy, but I believe it’s worth the effort. Have a beautiful day everyone <3 blessings & love, Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via Pinterest}

Wishes

I wish ..
I wish I was braver.
I wish you laughter.
I wish it were simple.
I wish I understood more.
I wish everyone had dignity.
I wish your dreams come true.
I wish I could make things better.
I wish you happiness in your heart.
I wish you someone special to love.
I wish you courage in the darkness.
I wish broken hearts mended quickly.
I wish you could see the opportunities.
I wish you knew you are truly beautiful.
I wish that the world was a kinder place.
I wish you gentleness when life is harsh.
I wish people smiled more & grumbled less.
I wish I had a magic wand to right the wrongs.
I wish that you knew how much you mean to me.
I wish that people could see beyond insecurity to appreciate beauty.
I wish you love..
~Hxx

Hayley Darby ©2011

I am often asked about this post, and just found it! So sorry for the delay for everyone who requested it! ♥ Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via Pinterest}

Good morning 13.3.2013

Good morning everyone!! Today I woke to the sound of the wind whipping ferociously around the house, and echoing down the chimney as the obscure dreams that somehow made perfect sense slipped from my memory. I lay for a while, snuggling into the duvet; the temperature in London has dropped again, we had a biting wind and snow yesterday. After a few moments of contemplating the day, I got up to feel the chill on my skin in the few steps it took to locate my robe, and wrapped up warmly in search of coffee. It’s a beautiful sunny spring morning, and although the trees sway, and the geraniums tremble on the window sill, some white fluffy clouds are suspended in a beautiful blue sky, and I can’t help but smile at them. Dappled sunlight awaits in the kitchen, and shadows of dancing branches are sketched across the courtyard as the coffee machine chuckles cheerfully. I curled up on the sofa with one of the cashmere blankets ADS gave me, and watched the changing sky as the clouds swiftly shifted across it.

March can be a tempestuous month, described in the rhyme as arriving like a lion, but leaving as a lamb; it certainly seems to struggle with an identity crisis, with a very changeable character, tough but nurturing. I like March, the promise of warmer weather is one thing, and the changing season with it’s playful wind that seems to sweep in and give life momentum, is very welcome. Change is often disruptive, uncomfortable, yet exciting, and it feels so good to be propelled away from stagnation, whatever direction it takes us. Spring is such an inspiring season, buds of hope starting to blossom, encouraging sunshine, a time for beginnings. I’m ready to embrace the changes I am facing, it feels as if I have been waiting for this opportunity to unfurl and stretch and seek some potential. Some of the changes I’m planning are bold and adventurous, others are daunting but necessary, and then there are those little things I’ve been meaning to get around to for ages, and feel the energy, time and motivation are present together, finally. So I’m preparing and planning, getting organized and making some space in my life for transformation; but I’m making room too, for chance, spontaneity and unexpected opportunities. March is blustery and unpredictable, so like the trees it helps when we’re flexible, withstanding the harshness of life, confident that the climate is improving. I hope that spring inspires you too, and that the winds of change are full of hope and happiness ♥ Blessings & love, Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via raysofthesun.tumblr}

Busy-ness

Good morning everyone!! Today I was rudely awoken by the sound of some nearby construction work, which sawed through my dreams and hammered my thoughts into the present moment, as I tried to catch the falling memories. I pushed my head under the pillow, resisting wakefulness, searching for the answers to questions I had forgotten, before relenting and getting up in search of coffee. It’s a beautiful sunny start to the day in London, and as I drew back the curtains, I felt the warm light envelop me, smiling at the blue sky and the sparkling frost in the roof opposite, before bounding downstairs for breakfast.

I noticed myself stretching my neck as I waited for the coffee machine, and felt that the tension I’m used to carrying was unusually absent, as was the headache that often accompanies my waking. I perched on the window sill, smiling at the clouds in my coffee, I have made some changes recently and they definitely suit me. I have also been making time for yoga, returning to regular practice and exploring new classes, and am feeling the benefits enormously.

Sometimes, when we’re busy, we neglect our own needs, pushing them to the back of the queue as we juggle with work, responsibility and relationships; which slowly suffer as a consequence when stress seeps in to upset our equilibrium. ‘Busy’ is a term I’m not terribly fond of, since we all have the same number of hours, minutes and seconds per day as each other. We use the word/excuse when what we’re really describing are our priorities, and when we’re juggling too much, chances are we’re being neglectful in some aspect, if not several. So today I am embracing ‘less is more’ and focusing on the things that really matter, top of my list is brunch with my brother ☺

I wonder what’s keeping you busy, and whether it means you’re missing out on something more important? At least if you’ve read this far, maybe you’ll take a moment to reflect and consider it. Have a beautiful day, whatever you do! Blessings & love, namaste, Hxx

{Photo sadly uncredited, via happilygrey.com}